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杠杆力

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【首发译文】如何避免成为那种看上去傲慢并假装无所不知的家伙  

2014-02-04 15:36:36|  分类: Leverer之首译 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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How To Avoid Seeming Like an Arrogant, Know-it-all Jerk

如何避免成为那种看上去傲慢并假装无所不知的家伙

Leverer      From: LinkedIn Pulse     By: Gretchen Rubin     February 03, 2014

  【首发译文】如何避免成为那种看上去傲慢并假装无所不知的家伙 - 杠杆使者Leverer - 杠杆力

 

我想,像大多数人一样,我在试图避免看上去像个混蛋。

这里有一些我试着使用的策略:

1.给出有意义的赞美:这里强调的是“有意义的。”我试着说类似于“你的记性很好”或者“你对这个显然知道很多东西”。像“好领带!”这样没意义的恭维是没有价值的。

2.赞许他人:“团队做了所有的工作,”“是Pat想出了这个点子。”慷慨地给予赞许不会削减你的贡献。

3.不要对别人提出的每个意见都要进行争辩。这是一个很常见的现象。我把它命名为反对式的会话风格,即使你觉得这个OCS(反对式会话风格)很有可取之处,但大多数人并不喜欢这么做。

4.问问题并让他人提供信息。我见过一些好的领袖问那些他们知道答案的问题,只是为了让他人有机会展示一下他们所知道的东西。这对我来说是个挑战。我是一个确确实实的假装博学的人;我总是想要把手在空中挥来挥去。我发现寻求帮助,说“我不知道”,或者当别人回应是保持安静是非常困难的。

5.承认错误!“你是对的,我错了”或者“这是我的错”是很难说出口的,但是这些却非常重要。同样,这也是领导的关键。正如我父亲曾告诉我的,“如果你为你的错误承担起了责任,你便会对决策负责。”

6.记得别人的名字和他们生活中的一些细节。有多少次你听到人们抱怨说“某某遇到了我五次,但从来没想起来我是谁”?这很伤人感情。很不幸的是,我对于记名字很费劲,所以我开发了一些应对策略来对付它。

7.请求他人的特殊贡献:Pat是我们在这方面的专家,”“Lee,你是怎么想的?”

8.自嘲。很少有事情会像自愿拿自己的缺点来取笑一样成功了。这并不意味着说,“我无药可救了”让后等着每个人都喊出来“噢,不,你很棒的!”自嘲意味着要诚实地嘲笑自己的癖好与错误。

9.拒绝生气。我努力让自己不要太当回事儿并且不要生气。

10.调侃。展示同情感的一种方式是调侃他人——温柔地。人们喜欢说说笑笑,但不要提到任何敏感的话题。要小心点。调侃有时候很容易被当做是恶意的或者是恼人的,即便你并无此意。

11.记住你的极限。你只是一个人而已。你不会永不犯错。其实很有可能你就错了。

12.不要成为一个令人讨厌的人。不要以为其他人会像你一样对你生活中的细枝末节感兴趣。

13.尽力理解,你自己。有一次,我坐在一个陌生人旁边,每当我问他关于他自身的问题,他都是极简单的回答我并立马把话题转给我。我很肯定他觉得他很迷人,但是这让我感觉他没有发现我配得上他的回答活力。而且,我无法变得对他感兴趣,因为我根本对他没法进行了解。

14.对别人要有礼貌,无论他是谁。William Lyon Phelps写到,“对一个绅士的终极测试便是他是否能够尊重对他来说毫无用处的人。”对每个人都很亲切是很重要的。

15.不要太谦虚!Marjorie Williams在她美妙的文集《华盛顿动物园里的女人》中,讲述了一个古老的故事:在Moshe DayanEdward R. Murrow的一次会议上,Dayan反复地称赞新闻记者的传说集广播。Murrow谦逊地否认了其成就。最终,Dayan说,“别太谦虚了。你没那么好。”

 

英文原文:

Like most people, I suppose, I try to avoid seeming like a jerk.

Here are some strategies I try to use:

1. Offer meaningful compliments: Emphasis on the "meaningful." I try to say things like, “You have a good memory” or “You obviously know a lot about this subject.” Empty, automatic compliments like “Great tie!” don’t count.

2. Give credit to others: “The team did all the work,” “Pat came up with this idea.” Being generous with giving credit does not minimize your contribution.

3. Don't dispute every comment that someone makes. This is a surprisingly common phenomenon. I've named it Oppositional Conversational Style, and even if you think the OCS style has much to recommend it, most people don't like to engage this way.

4. Ask questions and allow others to supply information. I’ve seen good leaders ask questions to which they knew the answers, merely to allow others the chance to demonstrate what they know. This is a challenge for me. I am a real know-it-all; I always want to wave my hand in the air. I find it hard to ask for help, to say, “I don’t know,” or keep quiet while others respond.

5. Admit error! It’s so hard to say “You were right, I was wrong” or “This was my fault,” but so important. Also, it’s a key to leadership. As my father once told me, “If you’ll take responsibility for failure, you’ll be given responsibility for decisions.

6. Remember other people’s names and some details of their lives. How many times have you heard people complain that “So-and-so has met me five times, but never remembers me”? It hurts people’s feelings. Unfortunately, I have a terrible time with names, so I developed some coping strategies for dealing with that.

7. Call on others for their specific contributions: “Pat is our expert on that,” “Lee, what do you think?”

8. Laugh at yourself. Few things are as winning as people who are willing to poke fun at their own foibles. This doesn’t mean saying, “I’m so clueless” and waiting for everyone to cry, “Oh, no, you’re great!” It means honestly laughing at your idiosyncrasies and mistakes.

9. Refuse to take offense. I work hard not to take myself too seriously and not get my back up.

10. Teasing. One way of showing fellow feeling is teasing people – gently. People liked to be joshed, but not about anything sensitive. Be careful. It's very easy for teasing to seem malicious and annoying, even when you don't intend to.

11. Remember your limits. You’re just one person. You’re not infallible. It actually is possible that you’re wrong.

12. Don’t be a bore. Don't assume that others are as interested in the minutiae of your life as you are.

13. Engage, yourself. Once I sat next to a guy I didn’t know, and whenever I asked him a question about himself, he answered in a word and turned the conversation to me. I'm sure he thought he was being very charming, but it made me feel as though he didn't find me worthy of his answering energy. And I couldn't become interested in him, because I didn't learn anything about him.

14. Be courteous to others, no matter who they are. William Lyon Phelps wrote, “The final test of a gentleman is his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.” It's important to be nice to everyone.

15. Don't be too humble! In her fantastic book of essays, The Woman at the Washington Zoo, Marjorie Williams recounts an old story: at a meeting of Moshe Dayan and Edward R. Murrow, Dayan repeatedly praised the newsman’s legendary broadcasts. Murrow humbly disclaimed the achievement. Finally, Dayan said, “Don’t be so modest. You’re not that good.”


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